


Held Together by Werewolf Hugs

by TVTime



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Affection, Affectionate Liam, Anger, Apologies, BPD, Bonding, Borderline Personality Disorder, Couch Cuddles, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Nolan, Enemies to Friends, Establishing Trust, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, IED, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Nolan Just Wants to Fit in, Nolan's POV, Protective Liam, Puppy Liam, Second Chances, Trust, Wakes & Funerals, Werewolf Hugs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-01-07 03:43:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12225048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TVTime/pseuds/TVTime
Summary: Spoilers for 6B and the series finale.Following the events at the hospital, Nolan is left drowning in grief about what happened to Gabe. Someone unexpected is there to take care of him.“I think what you’re telling me is that he mattered. He was important to you.”Tears burned Nolan’s eyes as he nodded. He turned away from Liam on the couch, embarrassed to be crying in front of him. He was about to get up when Liam rubbed his back and whispered that it was okay, and he found himself lying back against Liam’s chest instead.“Why are you being so nice to me?” Nolan stared down at Liam’s hands folded over his stomach and covered them with his own as he snuggled deeper into Liam's embrace."Ever since the Anuk-Ite thing started, I’ve been having trouble controlling myself. Now I’m not, and it feels really good that I can be around” –Liam hesitated and took a breath, his chest expanding against Nolan’s back– “aroundyouand not feel any urge to hurt you. It’s pretty cool that you seem to trust me too.”Nolan laid his head back against Liam’s shoulder, proving Liam’s point. He felt safe, really safe, safer than he had in months. “I think I was only afraid because of it too.”





	1. The Blood on the Floor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nolan struck me as an interesting and conflicted character who struggled to do the right thing despite making some bad choices, so I decided to write this story exploring his feelings in the aftermath of the hospital scene. Naturally I couldn’t resist taking my favorite [cuddlewolf](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9639950/chapters/21777704) along for the ride, especially since Nolan and Liam’s dynamic on the show was fraught to say the least. Spoilers for 6B and the series finale.

Nolan’s heart caught in his throat as the gunman fired at Gabe and Liam. He snatched the fire extinguisher off the wall as the shots kept coming. Liam was on the ground now, and Gabe– _Oh god, Gabe._

Nolan slammed the metal canister against the back of the hunter’s head, and he crashed to the floor. Nolan didn’t look at him; he couldn’t take his eyes off the horrifying sight in front of him. Blood gurgled from Gabe’s lips, and he looked right at Nolan as he fell to his knees, then tumbled face first to the hospital floor.

This couldn’t be happening. It had to be a mistake, a sick joke, a cruel initiation the hunters were putting Nolan through. 

Gabe gasped and sputtered as he slid around on his stomach and crawled toward a supply cabinet along the back wall. There was no mistake. No one could make sounds like that unless– 

Shards of ice tore through Nolan’s blood vessels and his gut twisted violently as Gabe cried out, sobbing about how much it hurt as he propped himself against the glass and metal cabinet.

Theo stepped forward, following the thick swath of blood smeared across the white tile until he was standing in front of Gabe. Theo could fix this, right? He could heal Gabe. He was a werewolf. They had special powers. Gabe was going to be fine.

Theo held Gabe’s wrist and asked him if it still hurt. Gabe whispered that it didn’t – and Nolan knew. He knew that Theo _had_ helped, but he couldn’t fix this. Gabe was...

Time stopped. Theo walked away, shoulders heavy. Melissa McCall said something to Nolan in a soothing voice. Mason and Corey passed in front of him, eying him with a mix of suspicion and pity. None of it seemed real. Nothing seemed real as Nolan stood in front of Gabe...in front of his body. It was horrific, the most gruesome thing Nolan had ever seen, and he couldn’t look away from it.

“Sshh, come on. I’ll take you home.” Strong hands closed around Nolan’s shoulders, and he realized he had been shaking, that his face was wet and his eyes hurt. 

He turned and buried his head against the chest of the person with the strong hands. He didn’t look up as he was guided down the hallway. One of the hands rubbed his back while the other remained on his shoulder, anchoring him to this nightmare. Should he be grateful? He wasn’t. He wanted to slip away. He wanted to wake up.

The elevator chimed, and as he boarded it, Nolan finally raised his head to identify the strong-handed person. Liam.

Nolan let go and backed up. Liam hated him. He wanted to kick Nolan’s ass, and Nolan couldn’t blame him, not after the way that he and Ga– after the way Liam had been jumped at school. Nolan turned his head as a sob racked his body. He clenched his mouth shut, clamping down around the pathetic sound and trying to retain whatever shreds of dignity he had left. 

Liam squeezed Nolan’s shoulder and let his forearm rest across Nolan’s back.

Nolan looked at Liam with bleary eyes. He hated himself for it, but everything hurt and he couldn’t resist winding his arms around Liam’s chest and laying his head there. He didn’t understand why Liam was being nice to him, but he had already made the mistake of touching Nolan. He had already broken down too many of Nolan’s fragile walls; it was Liam’s fault Nolan was a blubbering, quaking mess against his chest.

“Nolan, come on, man. It’s gonna be okay.” Liam’s tone was thick with discomfort, and he held his arms rigidly by his sides. 

Nolan was about to let go when Liam sighed and patted his back, then rubbed it, and then Nolan was sobbing again and clinging to Liam just as tightly as before.

“Okay, we have to walk through the lobby,” Liam said as the elevator chimed. “Do you wanna pull yourself together?”

Nolan shook his head.

“Ohh-kay. Well I guess crying in a hospital isn’t that weird.”

Nolan closed his eyes and refused to open them as Liam led them through the lobby and out of the building. He finally composed himself as Liam put him in the passenger seat of the car and went around to the driver’s side. He resolved not to cry again until he was at home, alone in his room.

It was an awkward ride to his house. He had embarrassed himself in front of Liam. Only the fact that Liam’s opinion of him couldn’t sink any lower kept him from freaking out about it. That and the fact that Nolan didn’t have any friends Liam could embarrass him by telling. 

“Thanks for the ride,” Nolan mumbled as Liam pulled into his driveway.

“Are your parents not home?” Liam asked, eying the dark house and tilting his head as if listening.

Nolan didn’t look up as he unbuckled his seatbelt. “My mom died when I was a kid. My dad’s outta town on a business trip.”

“Wait.” Liam stopped Nolan as he reached for the handle of the door. He took a weary breath. “Do you wanna come to my house?”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Nolan thought it over. Normally he would have jumped at the chance to spend time with someone away from school, but tonight he just wanted to be in a familiar place as he tried to get his head around everything that had happened. “I think I better stay here.”

“Okay.” Liam sounded relieved, and Nolan was an asshole because he decided not to let Liam off the hook.

“But you could stay over if you wanted?”

Liam frowned and Nolan was sure he was going to say no. Instead he turned off the car and pulled his phone out of his pocket. “I’ll call my mom and let her know.”

Liam followed Nolan into the house. It was a surreal experience listening to him talk to his mom on the phone. Nolan had never really considered that Liam had a family, a family that cared about him based on the length of the conversation and the way Liam had to reassure his mom that he was okay and that the Anuk-Ite threat was over. Liam’s step-dad even got on the phone for awhile. It made Nolan feel like even bigger sociopath for trying to kill Liam.

Nolan took a ragged breath and leaned against the wall by the front door as he thought about how devastated Gabe’s family would be when they found out. His parents would be crushed; his little sister would fall apart; his older brother might start doing drugs again. Should Nolan be the one to tell them? If he didn’t, who would? Ms. McCall? A random doctor at the hospital? At least they knew Nolan. Maybe it would be slightly less painful coming from him.

Dread settled in Nolan’s gut and he knew he couldn’t do it. What had happened to Gabe was his fault. If he had knocked that hunter out faster...

No, there was no way Nolan would even be able to look at Gabe’s family. He was going to take the coward’s way out and he knew it. He was going to let some stranger break the news because he didn’t have the courage to be a decent human being and face up to what he had done.

“You okay?” Liam asked as he hung up. His hand once again landed on Nolan’s shoulder.

Nolan shook his head and resisted the urge to hug Liam. It wouldn’t have been fair, not after all the crap he had done to Liam.

“C’mere.” Liam tugged Nolan against his chest and wrapped him up in a tight embrace. It still wasn’t fair, but he didn’t have the will to protest. No one had held him like this in a very long time.

“I’m sorry about everything,” Nolan whispered, turning his face so his words wouldn’t be muffled, although Liam probably could have heard them anyway.

“Yeah, I know.” Liam walked them to the couch and rubbed Nolan’s back as they sat down. “It’s okay. I’m not mad anymore.”

Nolan sat up enough to look at Liam but continued leaning against him. “I thought you wanted to kick my ass?”

“Not anymore.”

“How come?”

“’Cause you did the right thing before it was too late. You, uh...” Liam frowned down at his lap. “You even saved my life tonight. That hunter would have, uhm...I mean after he was done with, uh...He would have turned the gun back on me.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, and earlier in the hall when you warned me and Theo about...”

“Right.”

“So thanks.” Liam settled back against the couch and gave Nolan a questioning look as he spread his arms. 

Nolan collapsed into Liam’s embrace, his elbow resting on the back cushion of the couch as he draped his arm around Liam’s neck.

“You saved my life too,” Nolan whispered. “You know, by not taking it.”

Liam laughed and squeezed him. “I don’t think it works like that.”

“I thought you were gonna kill me at the zoo, but you were trying so hard not to.”

“You hesitated too. You coulda shot me before I got to you.”

Nolan sat up and looked into Liam’s bright blue eyes. “I never meant for any of this to happen. I never wanted anyone to die. I thought...I thought you guys were monsters, but I was wrong. I made a mistake trusting Monroe and...” Nolan took a trembling breath and forced the words out. “And it got Gabe killed.”

Liam’s jaw twitched, and he answered through tight lips. “Gabe made his own decisions.”

Nolan shook his head. “I introduced him to the hunters. He got involved because of me.”

“He still made his own decisions, Nolan.” 

Nolan didn’t want to argue, so he stood. “Let’s get cleaned up. I’ll lend you some clothes.”

They took showers. Nolan spent most of his sitting in the tub crying and hoping Liam couldn’t hear him. When he emerged from his bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, he found Liam sitting on his bed, dressed in the sweatpants and t-shirt Nolan had lent him. 

Nolan hesitated with his hands hovering over the towel. He had changed in front of Liam plenty of times for lacrosse, but it felt weird doing it alone with Liam in his bedroom. “I have some extra toothbrushes under the sink if you want to brush your teeth.” 

“Yeah thanks.” Liam hopped off the bed and stepped past Nolan, pulling the bathroom door halfway shut behind him.

Nolan quickly dressed in a pair of pajama pants and a loose t-shirt and was sitting in the same spot Liam had occupied by the time Liam came back into the room. “Wanna order a pizza or something?”

Liam smirked at him. “I just brushed my teeth.”

“Oh yeah.” Nolan’s cheeks warmed.

Liam chuckled. “But it looks like you have plenty of toothpaste and brushing again won’t kill me, so sure, let’s get a pizza.”

Nolan nodded, wishing they would stop talking about people getting killed.

They ordered their food on Nolan’s tablet and went back to the living room to wait. Liam flipped through channels while Nolan sat next to him on the couch, trying to fight the rising nausea in his gut. He didn’t want to eat; he had only suggested the pizza because it seemed like he should offer Liam something.

“There’s nothing good on.” Liam said, clicking off the TV.

“Gabe was my boyfriend.” Nolan wasn’t sure why he had blurted out the revelation. It might have been because this was the only chance he would ever get to tell someone.

Liam’s eyes widened, and his lips parted in surprise. “I didn’t know that.”

“It just started. He didn’t want to tell anyone because he thought Monroe and Gerard might use it to manipulate us.”

“Oh.” Liam nodded, his face neutral. “Yeah, good call.”

“I met his family. We were gonna tell ‘em after all this...” Nolan swallowed and looked away. “After everything was over.”

Liam didn’t say anything, just squeezed Nolan’s shoulder.

“We had sex too – twice. He topped.”

“Uhm...cool.”

Nolan rubbed his burning face. “I don’t know why I told you that.”

Liam shrugged. “I think what you’re really telling me is that he mattered. He was important to you.”

Tears burned Nolan’s eyes as he nodded. He turned away from Liam on the couch, embarrassed to be crying in front of him, _again._ He was about to get up when Liam rubbed his back and whispered that it was okay, and he found himself lying back against Liam’s chest instead.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Nolan asked, staring down at Liam’s hands folded over his stomach. He tentatively squeezed Liam’s hand and snuggled deeper into his embrace. Gabe hadn’t been much of a cuddler.

“I feel sorry for you.” 

Nolan cringed. If he had any dignity whatsoever he would get up. He stayed put.

“And ever since the whole Anuk-Ite thing started, I’ve been having trouble controlling myself. Now I’m not, and it feels really good that I can be around” –Liam hesitated and took a breath, his chest expanding against Nolan’s back– “around _you_ and not feel any urge to hurt you. It’s pretty cool that you seem to trust me too.”

Nolan laid his head back against Liam’s shoulder, proving Liam’s point. He felt safe, really safe, safer than he had in months. “I think I was only afraid because of the Anuk-Ite too.”

“Maybe we can be friends.”

“You mean it?” Nolan turned his head and looked at Liam. It was weird that their faces were so close, but Nolan liked it. “No one ever wants to be my friend.” _Crap._ Nolan needed to stop saying stuff like that. He knew how pathetic it made him sound.

Liam shrugged and tilted his face away.

Nolan’s cheeks burned as he lifted his head and faced forward again. Gabe used to hate the close eye contact thing too. 

“I know I’m weird. You don’t have to be my friend.”

Liam laughed and hooked his chin over Nolan’s shoulder. “Dude, Mason is like my only normal friend. Everyone else is either a werewolf, werecoyote, chimera, or banshee. Scott told me we were brothers on the _second_ day I knew him...after he had kidnapped me the night before. Corey used to turn invisible and eavesdrop on my conversations. Lydia sees visions of monsters and dead people. Malia wants to attack anything that moves. And Theo...is Theo. I’m not judging.”

“Wait, so you and Theo are friends?”

“Of course – but don’t tell him.”

Nolan laughed as Liam stroked a soothing line across his stomach with his thumb. It felt so good that Nolan opened his mouth to tell Liam his secret, but the doorbell rang, cutting him off and signaling the arrival of their pizza. Nolan groaned in disappointment before he could stop himself. 

“It’s okay,” Liam said softly near Nolan’s ear. “I’m staying all night.”

Liam gave him one more squeeze, and they got up to go get their food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this story! Feedback would be greatly appreciated. I have quite a few projects going, so I’m curious if there’s any interest in this one continuing, or if I should end it here and focus on something else. I’d also just love to hear you what you thought of the story in general.


	2. The Monster in the Shadows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m working on quite a few projects so I’ve decided to keep chapters of this story short, at least for now, so I can update more often.

Nolan stared up at the shadows on his bedroom ceiling. If he squinted they looked like pools of blood seeping out from his overhead fan the way Gabe’s blood had seeped from his body. He rolled onto his side and stared at a different set of shadows; one looked like a rifle, another like a werewolf hand with its claws out.

He closed his eyes and Gabe’s fist hurtled toward his face. Gabe sneered at him, hateful and angry. Nolan had disappointed him. Nolan had– 

The sensation of cold metal in his hands as he knocked out the hunter. 

_Too slow. Too slow._

Blood on the floor; blood on the ceiling. 

Fists, and rifles, and claws. 

_Pop, pop, pop._

The hospital hallway. Crouching for cover beside Melissa McCall.

Monsters. 

Hunters.

Monsters.

Hunters.

_Pop, pop, pop._

Gabe. Terrified eyes. Knowing eyes. Knowing he’s going to– 

Falling.

Falling.

_It hurts!_

Blood on tile. Red and white, smudges and wet trails.

_It hurts!_

Coughing up blood. Agony on his face.

_Does it hurt anymore?_

_No._

Fading. The light in Gabe’s eyes fading. 

_Does it hurt anymore?_

_No._

So quiet. Almost gone.

_Does it hurt anymore?_

_No._

Blood. So. Much. Blood.

_Does it hurt anymore?_

Doesn’t hurt anymore. Doesn’t hurt anymore.

_No._

Nolan took a shaky breath and sat up. 

It still hurt.

He wiped his eyes. They were sore from crying, but also from Gabe’s fists. His jaw ached too, and a knot throbbed on the back of his head whenever he put pressure on it. He got up and went to the bathroom to examine himself in the mirror. Bruises had formed across his face. Liam hadn’t said anything about them. Had he noticed? Had he cared? Of course not, why would he?

Nolan sat on the edge of his bed in the darkened room, poking and prodding at his injuries to make the pain flare. In a weird way they were all he had left of Gabe. He took a halting breath as tears trickled down his hot, aching cheeks. He’d gladly let Gabe hit him all he wanted if he could just have him back. 

After crying for a few minutes, Nolan crept into the living room. His slippers muted his footsteps enough that he was able to sneak up on the sleeping werewolf without rousing him.

Liam was curled up on the couch with his back to Nolan, his breathing slow and heavy. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully. Could monsters even have nightmares?

Nolan frowned at the voices in his head: Monroe, Gerard, Aaron...Gabe. They wanted him to believe Liam and his kind were evil...but were they?

Nolan giggled under his breath. It would be so easy to tiptoe to the kitchen and get a knife. He could plunge it into Liam’s back before he ever woke up. He knew enough about anatomy to know where to aim to pierce his heart. If Nolan did it right, Liam would _never_ wake up.

He took a deep breath and held it until the impulse passed. A familiar sense of shame settled within his chest and he relaxed into it. It didn’t feel as good as Liam’s arms around him, but it was his constant companion, and the niggling itch of self-loathing it evoked was reassuring. 

“Li-am,” Nolan called in a singsong voice as he stroked Liam’s shoulder.

Liam gasped and rolled over, golden eyes blazing in the darkness.

“Are you comfortable?” Nolan whispered, smiling down at his new friend.

Liam blinked at him, his eyes cooling. He groaned and stretched, a grimace on his face. “M’okay.” He cocked his head at Nolan and scrunched his forehead. “Why ya up?”

Nolan shrugged and bit his lip. Why was he up? What did he expect Liam to do for him?

Liam’s nostrils flared and he frowned. “You’ve been crying some more.”

Nolan shrugged harder and turned away. He should have just stayed in bed.

The couch creaked as Nolan walked toward the hall, and when he looked back he found Liam standing on his toes with his arms over his head, twisting his body and making contented little grunts. Nolan’s cheeks heated at the way the front of Liam’s sweatpants – actually _Nolan’s_ sweatpants – bulged. Was Liam wearing any underwear? Nolan hoped not.

“What are you doing?” Nolan whispered as Liam crossed the room, a soft smile on his sleepy face.

“Being a better person.” Liam patted Nolan’s shoulder and guided him back up the hallway to his room.

Nolan swallowed and climbed in bed, leaving the covers pulled back for Liam.

Liam slid in beside him and their hips and thighs touched through their pants as he settled in and straightened the blankets.

Nolan lasted all of three seconds before he threw himself on top of the other boy and rubbed his face against the soft cotton covering his chest.

Liam laughed and cupped the back of Nolan’s head. That had to be an accident. He must have meant to pat Nolan’s back, which was already so much more than Nolan could ask for.

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Nolan whispered, trembling as he thought about the things he had almost done to Liam. He hoped Liam would attack him in the night, not to prove him right, just because he deserved it.

“Stop thinking and go to sleep.” Liam’s voice was stern, but the hand stroking Nolan’s shoulder and back was gentle.

Nolan nodded and released the breath he was holding, letting the tension drain from his muscles as he relaxed against Liam. He even let the shame and self-loathing unwind from his chest for the time being. They would be waiting like old friends for Nolan when he woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I wanted to start exploring some of Nolan’s issues. I know he seemed creepy in that scene in the living room with Liam asleep, and that’s because I think Nolan _is_ creepy. He has a lot of things to work through, but he wants to do the right thing.
> 
> Feedback is greatly appreciated!


	3. The Storm in the Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nolan's abandonment issues rear their head.

Consciousness seeped into Nolan’s mind like storm water rotting the foundation of a home. He opened his eyes, barely aware of the problem. How could there be anything wrong when he was curled around a warm, muscular body with strong, heavy arms holding him gently in place? 

Nolan and Gabe had never slept together before, and in the corner of his mind, Nolan knew this body wasn’t Gabe’s – the chest was a little too broad, and the legs were a little too short. The arms were a little too affectionate, and the hands were a little too strong – but Nolan could pretend that everything was okay, that the floodwaters would drain away and leave his home intact.

A thumb stroked Nolan’s elbow, and he couldn’t pretend anymore. Gabe wouldn’t do that. This was a different home. But maybe it could survive the storm. Maybe Nolan could hold the flood at bay. A chin nuzzled the top of Nolan’s head, and he gave up.

“You’re going to leave.” Nolan trembled as he said it, but his eyes were dry so he counted it as a win.

“What do you mean?” Liam whispered, his stupid, strong arms tightening around Nolan’s body.

“You have to go home don’t you?” Nolan’s lips curled into a bitter smile against Liam’s chest. 

“Yeah.” Liam shrugged.

“And I’ll be alone,” Nolan whispered, hating how much it hurt being faced with Liam’s departure. Nolan was pissed at him for being so nice, for making Nolan like him so much. 

Liam laughed, cruel and dismissive – he made it sound warm and light so that it would hurt Nolan more. “I think you’re being a little dramatic. We’ll see each other at school on Monday.”

Dramatic.

 _You’re always so goddamn dramatic about everything._ Nolan’s dad had shaken his head and picked up his suitcase, leaving Nolan crying by the door as he left for his business trip.

 _Stop being such a drama queen._ Gabe had yanked his pants up and walked out of the room after their first time, leaving Nolan empty and sore on the bed.

 _Boy’s too dramatic to be a hunter. We need soldiers not bleeding hearts._ Gerard hadn’t even looked at Nolan as he made his assessment to Ms. Monroe, leaving Nolan humiliated in a room full of his new peers.

“Nolan, what is it?” Liam’s voice was filled with malicious kindness designed to make Nolan ashamed of his feelings.

“I’m crazy okay?!” Nolan sat up, folding his arms and glaring at Liam’s handsome, shocked face. “I know you’re just going home, and that if I wasn’t freaking out you’d maybe still wanna be my friend, but” –Nolan let out a small sob and ran a hand through his hair, desperately wishing he could take back the last thirty seconds– “I can’t help it.”

Liam sat up and turned, leaning back against the wall as he looked at Nolan, eyebrows drawn together. “Are you mad at me?”

“Yeah.” Nolan frowned. He was furious, scared, and mortified all at the same time. “But it’s not your fault.” He dropped his eyes to the blankets in his lap and smoothed away the wrinkles. “I really am crazy.”

“You’re not crazy.” Liam rubbed Nolan’s upper arm. The kindness on his face no longer seemed malicious. “You’ve been through a lot. Maybe you should talk to a counselor, not Monroe obviously but–”

“I have a psychologist. I don’t know what I’m supposed to tell her about any of this...” Nolan sighed and gave Liam an apologetic smile. He felt less like sharing his secret now than he had the night before, but now he _owed_ it to Liam to tell him the truth. “I have BPD. It’s–”

“Borderline Personality Disorder. I met people with it when I was in anger management.”

“You were in anger management?” Nolan relaxed a little. He should have been _more_ nervous that Liam had an anger problem, but there was something comforting about knowing Liam could relate at least a little to having emotional problems. “Was it because you’re a werewolf?”

Liam shook his head. “I have IED – Intermittent Explosive Disorder. I was diagnosed before I became a werewolf. I dunno know too much about BPD, just that people with it sometimes get irrationally angry like IED people.”

“Yeah, and we have a lot of a-abandonment issues and mood swings.”

“Are you on any medication?”

“No.” Nolan relaxed a little more and shuffled closer to Liam on the bed until their knees were almost touching. Liam didn’t seem as freaked out about Nolan’s revelation as Gabe had been. “I go to a therapist once a week to talk and learn cognitive and behavioral strategies. I was on some medicine to help with my anxiety and depression for awhile. It helped with the insomnia too, but they don’t like to leave people with BDP on stuff like that for too long. We’re prone to...”

Liam nodded and gave Nolan a patient look.

Nolan didn’t feel angry or scared anymore. He edged closer until his knees were resting on top of Liam’s under the covers. 

“We’re prone to suicide and self harm.”

A flash of distress crossed Liam’s face, but he was calm as he squeezed Nolan’s arm and stroked a soothing line over Nolan’s bicep. 

“I don’t have that part of it, honest.” Nolan met Liam’s eyes and held his gaze. “I won’t, like, hurt myself if you’re mean to me. You don’t have to worry about that. They just don’t want us to have access to something we could overdose on just in case.”

Liam was silent for a moment before lying down and patting the bed. 

Nolan stretched out next to him and snuggled back, letting Liam spoon him from behind.

“Thank you for telling me.” Liam rubbed Nolan’s chest, and pressed their legs together. “I’m a huge dick to my friends sometimes, and it’s no excuse, but I think it helps that they know about my condition.”

Nolan swallowed and risked covering the back of Liam’s hand with his palm. “So you’ll still be my friend?”

“I’m already your friend, Nolan.” Liam spread his fingers and Nolan’s slotted between them.

“Can we go back to sleep for a while before you” –Nolan tried not to choke on the word. He almost believed Liam would come back– “leave?”

“Yeah. What are Saturdays for if not sleeping in?”

Nolan closed his eyes and tried to ignore the fears racing through his mind. He had survived his first storm with Liam. That was worth celebrating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Next up I’m planning for Nolan to get to know Corey and Mason a little bit better. The hand stabbing incident will of course be addressed, but please let me know if there’s anything else in particular you guys would like to see from their interaction.
> 
> Feedback is greatly appreciated!


	4. The Chill in the Air

Nolan rubbed the swollen, bruised skin beneath his eye as he scrolled through pictures of himself and Gabe on his phone. His fingers were wet and his vision blurry. He knew he should stop, but this was the only activity that had been able to occupy his attention for more than thirty seconds since Liam had gone home around noon after their lunch of leftover pizza. 

He pulled up the brand new contact in his phone and opened their empty text history. Liam had said Nolan could text or call him whenever he wanted, but he hoped Liam would send the first message. He knew how clingy he had been since last night and how off-putting it was to be so needy. He took a deep breath and held it.

Once the urge to text Liam had passed, Nolan resumed playing with his black eye and staring at pictures of the dead boyfriend who had given it to him. The more he rubbed his eye, the more it hurt, and the more it hurt, the less numb he felt. It was a relief when he finally started outright sobbing. He took a selfie and Snapped it to Gabe. Perhaps he’d turn this into a ritual and do it everyday until Gabe’s account was deactivated or until he got over Gabe’s death...so until Gabe’s account was deactivated.

When Nolan couldn’t cry anymore, he called his dad. Nolan didn’t know where he was – somewhere in Europe or Asia maybe? – but wherever he was, it was probably Saturday and he probably wasn’t working, so maybe he’d answer for a change. 

He didn’t. 

Nolan knew he shouldn’t leave another emotional voicemail, but...

“Hey. I-I survived last night when I said” –Nolan swallowed and took a trembling breath– “there was d-danger, but um, but” –he ran a hand through his hair and bit his lip– “G-Gabe didn’t...He-he didn’t make it, Dad...and he was um...he was my boyfriend.” Nolan sobbed. He wasn’t trying to be dramatic, but that’s what his dad would think. “Please call me back.”

His dad wasn’t going to believe him – about the danger, about Gabe being dead, about him being Nolan’s boyfriend. He would think Nolan was making it all up to get attention. He’d just have Nolan’s therapist call him to setup an extra appointment that week. Nolan decided to beat him to it and call Dr. Johnson himself.

He got her voicemail. She listed an emergency number he could call...but was he having an emergency? 

He hung up and tossed his phone on the bed. No emergency. He wasn’t a danger to himself or anyone else – ironically. 

If only Nolan had called Dr. Johnson that fateful night when he had chosen to call Monroe instead. If he had, Gabe wouldn’t have gotten pulled in too and none of this would have happened. Nolan wouldn’t have tried to hurt Liam and his friends. Maybe the Anuk-Ite wouldn’t have come back and all the people that were dead would still be alive. Maybe this whole damn war was all Nolan’s fault, and he should just do everyone a favor and– 

Nolan jumped as his phone rang and vibrated on his bed. It had landed face down, and when he picked it up his heart almost stopped. Gabe’s smiling face, complete with his perfect, sexy smile, was lighting up the screen.

“Hel-lo” Nolan sobbed around the word.

“Have you heard?” Gabe’s mother said the words barely above a whisper, but the pain and anger in her voice came through loud and clear.

“Yeah.”

“There are a lot of texts here I don’t understand.” Now her voice was nothing but angry.

“We were, um, dating.”

“That’s not what I meant. That- I don’t know why he didn’t tell me but...” Her voice broke and she dissolved into tears. 

Nolan felt like a selfish asshole, but he broke down too. 

“I need to know why my son was _shot_ to death.” Her voice was high and shrill, still full of pain but back to furious. 

“Oh, um...I–”

“The police said it was a terrorist attack.”

“Well I guess–”

“Nolan, what really happened to him?”

“I loved him,” Nolan whispered.

Her tone softened but only a little. “That’s not what I’m asking.”

“I can’t talk about it, Ms. Martinez.” Nolan took a shuddering breath and hovered his thumb over the end call button. “I’m sorry.”

She called back. He silenced but didn’t reject the call, instead pacing the room while he waited for her to hang up. She left a voicemail that he couldn’t bring himself to listen to or to delete.

It felt good having an unheard voicemail from ‘Gabe.’ Maybe he’d let himself pretend it was real. 

He spent the rest of the afternoon staring at his homework without working on it, listening to music without hearing it, and watching a movie without paying attention to it. He relived every conversation he had ever had with Gabe in his head, then with Monroe, then with Liam. The details blurred. In retrospect most of it didn’t make any sense, particularly his own actions. 

His heart caught in his throat as his phone vibrated with his first ever text message from Liam.

Liam: _I’m with Mason and Corey_

Nolan furrowed his brow. Was Liam just texting him to brag about having friends? Before Nolan could respond a second message came through.

Liam: _Want some company? We’ll come over_

Nolan was terrified and excited. His stomach was twisted in knots and his fingers were cold as he tapped out the most casual message he could come up with.

Nolan: _Yeah sounds good_

Liam: _K otw_

Nolan changed his clothes and fixed his hair. Then he tidied up the living room and changed his clothes. He waited by the front door for them to arrive, debating whether or not he should change his clothes. He opened the door as soon as he heard the car pull up. He cringed and shut it. They would know he was listening for them. Wait, what if they had seen him close the door? They might think he didn’t want them to come in. He re-opened the door. Then he shut it. Then he re-opened it. This time Liam and his friends were standing in the doorway gaping at him.

Nolan cleared his throat. “I uh, wanted you to know I was home, but I didn’t wanna let all the cool air outta the house.”

“That makes sense,” Mason said with a soft smile.

“It does?” Corey whispered to him.

Mason swatted the air in Corey’s direction, and Nolan stood back for them to enter.

Liam stopped in the doorway and smirked at Nolan. He pulled him into a hug. “Relax. Just be yourself.”

Nolan clung to Liam like the lifeline he had become over the past twenty-four hours. He appreciated the sentiment behind Liam’s advice even if it was useless. How was Nolan supposed to be himself when he had no idea who he was?

“Careful, the cool air’s gonna get out.” Corey tugged Liam out of the doorway by the elbow as he released Nolan.

Nolan cringed, and Liam rolled his eyes at his friend. 

Nolan led them to the living room and everyone settled in. Mason sat in an easy chair, and Corey perched against its arm. Liam took a seat on the couch in the same spot he had sat in the previous night. Nolan automatically plunked down next to him, but then worried he might have been invading Liam’s space and slid over to the opposite end. But then he was too far from the other guys so he slid back. Except maybe that was weird so– 

“Is the cool air getting out of the couch too?”

Mason cut Corey a look, and Liam grabbed Nolan’s arm and held him in place by his side.

The group made small talk for a few minutes but it was awkward. Corey and Mason were tense, and guilt stabbed Nolan every time he looked at them, especially Corey.

“Can I have something to drink?” Mason asked. “Maybe a Coke?”

“I’m sorry.” Nolan caught Mason’s gaze and held it for a moment before shifting his attention to Corey. “Really sorry.”

Mason shrugged. “That’s okay. How ‘bout a Pepsi or a Dr. Pepper?”

Liam coughed and shook his head at Mason.

“Oh.”

Liam wrapped an arm around Nolan’s shoulders and squeezed him closer. “It’s fine. You–”

“It’s not fine.” Corey stood and folded his arms. “You frickin’ stabbed me in the hand.”

Nolan looked to Liam for help, but his attention was focused on Corey. So was Mason’s.

“I–”

“And you did it to expose me.” Corey glared at Nolan as Mason rubbed his back. “I’m not a werewolf, Nolan. All I can do is hide. That’s my only defense.”

“I’m sorry.” Nolan dropped his eyes to the floor.

“Maybe we should go,” Mason said quietly as he stood. “I’ll come back later and pick you up,” he said to Liam.

Liam nodded, a frown etched across his face.

“No.” Corey wound his arm around Mason’s waist and kissed him. He was visibly calmer when he looked back at Nolan. “It’s not fine...but I guess we can work towards fine.”

“Thanks.” Nolan gave Corey a small smile before glancing at Mason. “I have some soda and snacks in the kitchen.”

The group went to the kitchen and everyone got drinks and passed around some chips. Nolan hung back at first, leaning against the back counter by himself, but Liam joined him and draped an arm over his shoulders.

“It’s gonna be okay,” he whispered in Nolan’s ear. “Corey’s definitely gonna forgive you.”

“How do you know?” Nolan whispered.

Liam shrugged the shoulder that wasn’t pressed against Nolan’s side. “I was a dick to him and he forgave me.”

“You think it would help if I told them about my BPD?”

“Maybe.”

Nolan nuzzled against Liam’s muscular body and tried to come up with a plan to win over his friends. He was still thinking about it as the group returned to the living room and Mason spotted Nolan’s Xbox and suggested they play some video games.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys don’t mind these short chapters. Next up I’m thinking Nolan and Corey will bond a bit, and Nolan might reflect on his feelings for Liam. 
> 
> Feedback is greatly appreciated!


	5. The Chimera on the Couch

“You did good,” Liam said as he sat beside Nolan on the couch. Corey and Mason were across the room playing a game on Nolan’s Xbox. 

“You don’t think they’re weirded out?” Nolan asked. The group had gone out to dinner, and Nolan had told Corey and Mason about his BDP and that he and Gabe had been a couple. “I know it’s a lot for them to take in.”

Liam laughed. “Mason was once possessed by a two-hundred-year-old beast and Corey’s a chameleon chimera who can turn invisible...I think they can come to grips with someone struggling with a mental health issue.” He draped an arm around Nolan’s shoulder and gave it a friendly squeeze. “You’re the most normal person in the room, Nolan.”

Nolan scoffed and shook his head. “I’ve never been the most normal person in any room.”

“There’s a first time for everything.” 

Nolan gave Liam a faint smile and leaned against him. When Liam responded by tightening his grip and turning his body toward Nolan, Nolan succumbed to the urge to lay his head against Liam’s chest. “Is it wrong that I miss Gabe so much?” he whispered. “I-I know our relationship wasn’t healthy.”

“It’s not wrong.” Liam rubbed his back. “Someone you cared about died. Everything else about that person takes a backseat when something like that happens.”

Nolan nodded and stared absently at the TV screen as Corey and Mason ran around fighting a fictitious war. It was surreal going back to something like this, sitting safely in a living room while people played a video game about conflict after the very real bloodshed they had endured.

Eventually Liam got up and plopped down next to Mason, insisting he wasn’t playing his character the right way. They argued until Corey suggested they settle the dispute in a game and passed his controller to Liam.

“They’ll be at that all night if we don’t stop them,” Corey remarked, claiming a seat on the opposite end of the couch.

“I don’t mind,” Nolan said with a shrug. It was nice having people in his house for once, even if they weren’t paying attention to him.

Corey didn’t answer, and they lapsed into silence. Nolan knew it was creepy, but he couldn’t stop himself from pulling out his phone and scrolling through pictures of Gabe. They were both in some of the photos; they even looked happy in a few.

“My boyfriend died too,” Corey said quietly.

Nolan raised his head and looked at Mason in disbelief. “Is he a zombie?”

Corey gave Nolan an incredulous look. “A different boyfriend.”

“Oh.”

“His name was Lucas. He was a scorpion chimera.”

“So nothing weird like a zombie.”

The corners of Corey’s mouth twitched, then pulled up into a smile. 

“How’d you get over him?” Nolan asked, slipping his phone back into his pocket.

“I became a chimera, got murdered, was resurrected, got incinerated by a hellhound, managed to survive, and then started dating Mason.”

Nolan tilted his head and thought it over. “I don’t know if that would work for me.”

“It’s not for everyone,” Corey agreed with a nod. He grew more serious and caught Nolan’s eye. “The other factor was time and new friends to help me through it.”

“Did you feel like you were drowning and like you’d never be happy again?”

Corey shifted closer on the couch and patted Nolan’s arm. “Yeah, that’s normal.”

“Did you fantasize about taking his body home and sleeping next to it?”

Corey squeezed Nolan’s shoulder. “No, that’s just you.”

Nolan glanced at Liam as he laughed and bumped Mason, trying to break his concentration. “Is it wrong to think about someone else in that way?”

“It’s healthy,” Corey answered, shaking his head, “but you need to take some time first. That’s kind of important.”

“I’m scared to be alone,” Nolan whispered.

“You’re not alone.” Corey smiled and moved fully into the seat next to him. “That’s where the new friends part comes in.”

Nolan sighed and leaned against Corey. “I promise not to stab you again.”

Corey laughed and pressed back against Nolan. “I appreciate that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is greatly appreciated!


	6. The People in the Hallway

After Liam and the others left, Nolan listened to relaxing music while taking a long bath and brushing his teeth. Good sleep hygiene is what Dr. Johnson called it. She said establishing a relaxing pre-sleep routine would help with Nolan’s chronic insomnia, and sometimes it did. Tonight wasn’t one of those nights.

Each time Nolan closed his eyes, he flashed back to Gabe crawling across the hospital floor; to the thick trail of crimson smeared across the stark white tiles; to the staccato pop of gunfire ringing in his ears; to Gabe’s flailing body; to his choking sobs...and those were the good images. Worse was the indelible memory of Gabe’s lifeless body propped against the supply cabinet and the sensation of time slowing down as Nolan took fucking forever to knock the gunman out. Why had he been so slow? How could he have let Gabe down like that when his life had literally been on the line. Why the fuck couldn’t Nolan have taken that asshole down ten seconds sooner?

Nolan closed his eyes again. This time Gabe’s agonized face stared back at him as Gabe crumpled to his knees. He knew. Gabe knew he was going to die because Nolan was such a fuck up. Nolan might as well have pulled the trigger himself.

He hadn’t done any better as Gabe lay dying. Theo had comforted Gabe. _Theo._ But Nolan had been useless. He hadn’t even tried to make Gabe’s final moments easier; he hadn’t even tried to say goodbye. 

He opened his eyes and turned on his bedside lamp. He wouldn’t be sleeping tonight.

He occupied himself by going through Gabe’s Facebook page and liking all of his old posts and photos. _All_ of his old posts and photos. He wanted the world to know that he and Gabe had been something, that their connection had been real. 

Around two-thirty in the morning he received a text from his dad.

Dad: _Deposited money in your account. Will call later in the week. There’s no danger in Beacon Hills and you don’t have a dead boyfriend. Go to your therapist, Nolan._

An excited trill slipped from Nolan’s throat at the attention. He immediately called his dad, but got rejected.

Dad: _Sorry, I can’t talk right now._

Nolan frowned at the automated message that his dad often sent him when he was busy. It stung. Dad had said he would call last week too, but he hadn’t.

He took a deep breath and clutched the phone to his chest, trying to resist the urge to call over and over until his dad finally picked up. He would be furious. Wherever he was in the world right now – Asia, Europe, Africa; Nolan had no idea – he was probably preparing for a meeting, or working on a report, or talking to someone he actually liked. 

Nolan rubbed at his eyes, telling himself the reason they stung was because of the bruises Gabe had given him. 

He couldn’t help it. He needed to talk to someone. He scrolled to Natalie’s name in his contact list, hoping his older sister would take his call.

“Hello.” Her voice was slow and heavy with sleep.

“Hey Nat.”

“Nolan? What do you want?” 

He heard the bed squeak as she sat up.

“I can’t sleep, and I think Dad’s avoiding me. Has he said anything to you?”

She let out a frustrated growl. “Seriously? It’s three in the morning.”

“Actually two-forty-four,” Nolan answered, glancing at the clock by his bed.

“Why the hell are you calling me, Nolan?!”

Nolan took a deep breath, determined to get the words out without breaking down. “Last night I lost my–”

“I don’t care what you lost.”

“Nat, it was my boy–”

“I spent all night studying for an organic chem test. I _just_ fell asleep. And you’re bothering me because you misplaced something and your goddamn insomnia’s acting up.”

“Dad–”

“Yeah, that’s right, Nolan. Dad is fucking sick of your shit. We both are. You aren’t a child anymore. You’re sixteen–”

“I’m seventeen.”

“Oh...” She cleared her throat. “Sorry I forgot your birthday. Put something on your Amazon Wish List, and I’ll get it for you.”

“I just want–”

“But that’s my point. You need to take responsibility for yourself. If you can’t sleep, take a fucking Ambien and roll over.”

The line went dead.

Nolan tossed his phone on the bed and punched his pillow. He wanted to get angry. He wanted to fly into one of his uncontrollable rages and feel something other than stomach churning despair. He couldn’t. He didn’t have the energy to be mad.

He opened his bedside drawer and rifled through it. He didn’t have any Ambien or prescription sleep medication, but he had an over-the-counter sleep aid. He took two pills with a sip of tepid water from the glass on his nightstand. 

They didn’t help. They gave him a headache and made a muscle in his eye twitch, but they didn’t put him to sleep. He lay in bed for the rest of the night going through Gabe’s other social media pages until the alarm on his phone went off, signaling he could get up for the day. 

His stomach flipped as he got a new message from ‘Gabe’ while getting ready.

Gabe: _The funeral is tomorrow at 10am. You were important to him. We’d like you to be there._

Nolan stared at the message and chewed on his bottom lip, unsure what he was feeling. Whatever it was it was overwhelming and it made him dizzy. He slid his phone in his pocket and left his half-eaten cereal on the table. He needed to get to school and distract himself.

Everyone was talking about him when he got there. They were all looking at him and then pretending not to be when he turned his head. But he heard them whispering about him, whispering about how he gotten Gabe killed, how he had chosen to give his loyalty to murderers, how he had tried to kill innocent people. They were _all_ looking at him, but not one of the assholes had the courage to come up and confront him directly.

“Hey Nolan.”

“Stop looking at me!” The combination lock slipped from Nolan’s fingers and clanked against the metal door of his locker as he whipped his head toward a startled Corey.

“Sorry.” Corey held his hands up and backed away.

“No wait.” Nolan’s face burned and he hunched in on himself. Now everyone in the hallway was openly staring. “Everyone’s looking at me.”

“That’s because you’re making a scene,” Corey whispered.

“Where’s Liam?” Nolan wasn’t sure why he asked that. Liam hadn’t been on his mind, at least not consciously.

“Probably at his locker.”

“Will you take me there?”

Corey sighed and nodded.

Nolan grabbed Corey’s arm as they walked through the crowd of students. They were _still_ looking at him. “Can we go there your way?”

“My way?”

Nolan gave him a pointed look and opened his hands with a flourish. “Poof!”

Corey rolled his eyes and tugged Nolan behind a bank of lockers. He glanced around, then slipped his hand into Nolan’s. A cloudy warmth washed over Nolan and with the exception of himself and Corey, the edges of the world became just a little bit blurry. 

“Are we invisible?” he whispered into Corey’s ear.

“Yes.” Corey squeezed his hand and tugged him down the hall.

They rounded the corner and dodged and weaved through a stream of people who had finally quit talking about Nolan, until at last Liam and Mason came into view leaning against a row of lockers. Nolan tried to head straight for them, but Corey pulled him against the wall beside the lockers and out of the main path. The world around Nolan sharpened and a cool breeze blew over him as Corey released his hand. 

“Surprise!” he declared, bouncing into Liam’s line of sight. 

Crap, everyone was looking at him again.

Liam’s head snapped back, and Mason’s eyes widened.

“He wanted to see you,” Corey told Liam as he looped an arm around Mason’s waist. The couple kissed as Nolan pressed himself against the locker next to Liam and tried to act casual.

“Are you okay?” Liam’s hand landed on Nolan’s shoulder. “You don’t look so good, and you smell upset.”

“They won’t stop watching me,” Nolan whispered, eyes flitting back and forth.

“Who?”

“ _Them._ ” Nolan inclined his head toward first one group of students, then another.

Liam’s brow furrowed and he glanced around. “No one’s looking at you, Nolan.”

“Yes, they are. They’re just pretending not to be. And they’re all talking about how I let Gabe die.”

Liam cocked his head. “Uh, I can hear their conversations...they’re not.”

“They _are._ ” Nolan stamped his foot. Why wouldn’t Liam believe him?

“I researched BPD last night.” Mason stepped closer, mercifully blocking more of Nolan from view. “Are you maybe having stress-induced paranoid ideation?”

“Maybe.” Nolan dropped his gaze to floor and shrugged. He should have realized that for himself. Dr. Johnson would have been disappointed in him, even if she wouldn’t have said so out loud.

“It’s okay,” Corey said softly, leaning against the locker on Nolan’s other side and shielding more of Nolan from what still felt like the prying eyes of the other students. “You don’t have to go through this alone.”

Nolan gave Corey a half smile then turned back to Liam. “Are they really not talking about me?”

Liam shook his head and rubbed Nolan’s shoulder. “They’re really not.”

“Can I have a hug?” Nolan asked, anxiety twisting in his gut.

Liam stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Nolan.

The worst of the stress eased from Nolan’s body as he lay his head on the werewolf’s shoulder. “I got a text from Gabe this morning.”

Liam let out a gasp and rubbed a soothing hand down Nolan’s spine. “You really didn’t.”

Nolan giggled. “No, like, it was his mom I’m sure.”

“What did she say?”

The smile faded from Nolan’s lips as he let go of Liam and pulled back to look at him. “His funeral’s tomorrow morning.”

Liam nodded and pulled Nolan back into the embrace. “It’s okay. I’ll go with you,” he whispered.

Nolan took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Thanks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is greatly appreciated!


	7. The Fury at the Funeral

A cold, heavy lump occupied the pit of Nolan’s stomach as he woke from a fitful sleep on the morning of Gabe’s funeral. He had planned to get up early and take his time getting ready, then have breakfast while he waited for Liam to pick him up. He stared at the ceiling for a minute, then rolled over and went back to sleep.

The chime of his doorbell woke him a couple of hours later. He groaned and got out of bed. 

“Coming,” he called as he stumbled down the hallway in his pajamas, bleary-eyed and exhausted. 

Sunlight blinded him as he opened the door and stepped back for Liam to enter.

“Did you oversleep?” Liam sounded alarmed. He was wearing black slacks and a black button-down shirt with a charcoal tie. His long hair was meticulously styled, his bangs hanging adorably over his eyes.

“Yeah,” Nolan mumbled. “Just give me a minute.”

“Okay, if you hurry I think we’ll still be on time.”

Nolan did hurry, and he didn’t regret oversleeping. The constant motion he needed to maintain to get ready kept him from thinking, and he was almost sorry as he tied the laces of his black dress shoes and realized he was finished. Now Liam was going to drive them to the funeral home; now there would be time for reflection.

“You okay?” Liam squeezed Nolan’s shoulder before starting the car and backing out of the driveway. 

Nolan blinked. Was he okay? 

“I don’t know. I don’t know what to feel.” Liam checked his hair in the mirror and smoothed out an unruly patch on the side of his head. “I’ve cried so much since Friday. Now I just feel...numb.”

“That’s normal,” Liam said softly as he checked for on-coming traffic then pulled into a turn.

“Really?” Nolan was behaving normally? _Really?_

“Yeah.”

Nolan was silent for a few minutes, reflecting on his time with Gabe and their brief relationship. 

“Gabe said he would take me ice skating for my birthday.”

Liam gave him a sympathetic look. “I’ll take you if you want. I know it won’t be the same but–”

“My birthday was last week. We didn’t go.”

“Oh.” Liam frowned and returned his eyes to the road.

“It would have been romantic, ice skating with my boyfriend. It would have been like something out of a movie.”

“It sounds nice.”

“But we didn’t go.” Nolan folded his arms and glared at Liam. “Why didn’t he take me?”

Liam coughed and shrugged. “The last couple of weeks have been really intense. Maybe he forgot.”

“I reminded him.”

“Oh.”

“We skipped school that morning...I _thought_ he was going to take me.”

“But he didn’t?” Liam asked softly.

Nolan shook his head. “He pretended he had a gift for me. He said it was in his car. You wanna know what it was?”

“What?”

“His dick.”

Liam’s eyes widened and he giggled.

“I’m serious. He unzipped his pants and told me suck my present.”

“Wow.” Liam drummed his fingers on the steering wheel.

“He didn’t even suck me off when I was done.” Nolan clenched his fists in his lap. “Like how is that fair? It was _my_ birthday.”

“That was...pretty crappy.”

“ _Yeah._ I don’t know why I put up with it.”

Liam didn’t say anything, just gave Nolan another sympathetic smile and kept driving.

“Do we have to go the funeral?”

“Don’t you want to?” 

Nolan shook his head. “Can we go ice skating instead?”

“We can go ice skating,” Liam answered, “after the funeral.”

“Auh!” Nolan stared out his window, pouting.

Liam patted Nolan’s arm. “I think you’ll regret it later if you don’t go.”

Nolan sighed. It didn’t feel like he would ever regret it. All he felt when he thought about Gabe was anger at the way he had been treated and relief that their relationship was over, but he’d had enough mood swings to know that even though it felt impossible, his feelings _would_ change at some point in the future. “You’re right.”

They pulled into the parking lot, and Liam turned off the car. “Do you want to talk to his family or hang back?”

“Hang back.”

Liam nodded and they got out. 

The funeral home was packed. Nolan didn’t recognize most of the people, but there was a large contingent from school. Liam started to lead them to their classmates, but Nolan shook his head and they settled in across the aisle and further back instead. They had just taken their seats when someone cleared their throat. Nolan looked up to find Theo making his way down the row to join them. He sat on Liam’s other side. Nolan gave Theo a small nod of recognition but didn’t pay attention to his and Liam’s conversation. It was ironic that Liam and Theo were at Gabe’s funeral, yet there was no sign of Monroe or any of the hunters. 

Gabe’s parents and little sister were standing with a crowd of people by the coffin at the head of the room. His brother, Jonathan, who was only a year older, was talking to some of the guys from the lacrosse team. His eyes were sunken and his nose was red. Was he back on drugs or simply grieving? 

Gabe’s dad spotted Nolan and waved him over. Nolan pretended not to see him and looked away. Gabe’s mom was more persistent. She strode over to them and stood at the end of their row, calling for Nolan. He couldn’t ignore her. Everyone was looking at him, and ignoring the mother of the deceased at a funeral would have pretty much been the most despicable thing Nolan could do. He reluctantly stood.

“I’ll come with you,” Liam said as he climbed to his feet beside Nolan.

“Thanks,” Nolan whispered, leaning his shoulder against Liam’s before making his way down the row to meet Ms. Martinez.

She frowned at Liam and gave Nolan a stern look. “Can I speak with you in private?”

Cold dread pooled in Nolan’s stomach. “Liam’s my, uh, grief partner. I better stay with him.”

“He’ll be here when you get back.” She grabbed Nolan’s arm and tugged him down the aisle to the rear of the building. A single look from her was enough to have the people that had gathered there clearing out to give them their space. 

“Ms. Martinez, I don’t–”

“What happened to him?” Her dark eyes were puffy and red, but they burned with determination. “Who killed my son? And don’t give me some cock and bull story about a terrorist. I want the truth.”

“But it was a terrorist. He had a gun. He was shooting at innocent people in the hospital, and–”

“That’s enough!” 

The room fell silent. The people who were standing all looked at Nolan and Gabe’s mom, and the people sitting turned in their seats to face them. Gasps filled the room as she gripped Nolan’s arm and dragged him back up the aisle.

“Ms. Martinez, please I don’t–”

“Look!” She waved her free hand at Gabe’s casket. “Look at him! Look at my little boy.”

Nolan did look. His stomach twisted into knots as he took in Gabe’s peaceful, handsome face for what would undoubtedly be the last time. 

“What happened to him?” Her voice was as loud as before. She wanted everyone to pay attention and listen to Nolan’s response.

It was all a lie. Gabe’s peaceful face was a lie; _he_ was the true monster, not the people he hunted. The text Ms. Martinez had sent Nolan telling him he was important to Gabe was also a lie. Nolan didn’t matter to Gabe; Nolan had _never_ mattered to Gabe. Even Ms. Martinez’ insistence that she wanted to know the truth was a lie; she couldn’t handle the truth. She didn’t want Nolan to say– 

“He was an asshole.” 

Surprised murmurs filled the room along with the shock that filled Ms. Martinez’ eyes.

“He took advantage of anyone who was weaker than him, and he resented anyone who was stronger. He was a hateful person who enjoyed hurting other people.”

A gasping sob slipped from Ms. Martinez’ lips. 

“How dare you!” Gabe’s dad hustled across the room and grabbed Nolan’s arm.

Nolan yanked himself free and jumped back. “He did this to me!” He waved his hand in front of his bruised face and black eye. “I was his boyfriend, and he fucking attacked me and left me bleeding on the hospital floor!”

Mr. Martinez narrowed his eyes and took a step toward Nolan. “He wouldn’t–”

“He did!” Nolan turned, and as he stared down at Gabe’s body, something broke inside him. “This is my fault. He did all of this because of me. I killed him. I let that guy shoot him.” Nolan dropped to his knees and reached into the coffin to clutch Gabe’s chest. He felt the same. Maybe it wasn’t too late. Maybe... “Come back, Gabe! Oh god, come back!” 

“I think we better leave.” Liam whispered, patting Nolan’s back. 

“Noooo!” Nolan squeezed Gabe tighter as Liam tried to pull him away. “I don’t wanna leave! I want him back! I need him, Liam! I need him!”

Theo appeared in Nolan’s periphery and gripped Nolan’s hands. It wasn’t fair how strong Theo was. 

“I hate you!” Nolan screamed as Theo tore him away from Gabe’s body. “I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!”

Liam wrapped his arms around Nolan and held him against the side of his body. 

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Theo said to Gabe’s parents as Liam dragged Nolan away.

“The funeral’s not over yet!” Nolan clung to the door as Liam pulled him through it. Once again Theo’s unfair strength broke Nolan’s grip.

“It is for us,” Liam said calmly into Nolan’s ear.

“I don’t wanna say goodbye!”

“Well technically you didn’t,” Theo muttered.

Liam backhanded Theo’s arm, and Nolan tried to break free so he could run back inside, but Liam was unfairly strong too.

“Do you need help with him?” Theo asked.

“Nah, you go ahead and go.”

“I hate him,” Nolan said as Theo walked to his truck, and Liam guided Nolan to the car.

Liam laughed. “Then you’re well on your way to becoming his friend.”

“Can we sit in the car and wait for the funeral procession?” Nolan asked as Liam opened the passenger door for him.

“Yeah,” Liam answered, shutting the door after Nolan had climbed in.

“Can I have a hug?” Nolan asked, once Liam had taken his place behind the wheel.

Liam leaned across the seat and wrapped Nolan up in a tight embrace.

“I’m sorry I’m crazy,” Nolan whispered, trembling in Liam’s arms.

“You’re not,” Liam whispered back. “There are a lot of ways to grieve.”

“And yelling at the dead person’s family is one of them?”

Liam chuckled and shrugged. “Well, it’s not an official stage or anything, but yeah.”

“Will you still take me ice skating this afternoon?”

“Of course.”

Nolan sighed and squeezed Liam one more time before letting go. “Would it be crazy if we put on disguises and snuck back into the funeral?”

“Yes.”

“Damn!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is greatly appreciated!


End file.
